Batman and Robin (movie)

Posted: November 3, 2014 in Movie
Tags: , , , , , ,

Well. The last of the nineties Batman movies that started out so promising, and in the last showing, ends with a lame whimper. You know which one I’m talking about, because this is the one where they thought it was a good idea to put nipples on the Batsuit. Robin had them too, like he needed one more, hey I’m my own man too dammit Bruce things.

It’s not even like I can pin point the one thing wrong that takes the film down either. It looks like everyone was bored making the movie. EVERYONE. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Mr. Freeze is full of uninspired ice type puns. A man who once played a cold uncaring piece of machinery, whose sole purpose was “death to humans” was more believable than “ICE to see you”.

Uma Thurman is incredible. She was great in Pulp Fiction and a force in Kill Bill. However her poison Ivy is about as clever as an actual plant. Like yes, of course you’re going to get Batman and Robin argue over who is going to “get” you. And yes, the older statelier George Clooney’s Batman figures it out first. Which the dynamic duo come to their senses OFF screen. So that reveal when Robin comes to her like he’s on Ivy’s side, but really not, because wax lips! Its like well, yeah, that is a solution. Not an interesting one, but it moved the plot along.

In the old television series, Batman would thwart a criminals poison because he knew ahead of time to drink a few glasses of buttermilk before going out. At least in the episode you saw Batman drink an awful lot of milk in the batcave before, marking that he had an actual plan. Not, well let’s just skip that part over for more ice related jokes, no one will notice.

Bane has his theatrical debut here as well. Acting like a brutish thug that doesn’t speak and protects Ivy. Not like he is in the comics, or anything. All the characterization in Batman & Robin is as if the writers looked at comic covers. Not actually read them or opened them up, just the covers, or maybe some poster art.

Sometimes I’ll get the idea of watching this again. Then Mister Freeze’s goons ice skate around that museum and Batman shows up and I just get disappointed. A quick scene or two passes and the Batman pulls out his BAt credit card for a charity auction and I don’t even know why anymore.

I’m not saying anything new. This movie is bad, unfunny, and poorly executed. Don’t watch it. Even George Clooney apologized for it.

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